I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
