Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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