Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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