If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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