boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
