I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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