i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
