her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
