How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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