ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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