So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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