i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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