Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
