dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
