I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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