i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
