YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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