the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
