Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
