Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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