Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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