he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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