Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
