I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
