Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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