Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
