Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
