I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
