only if we run a train.
done.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
