My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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