There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
