i would punch a child for taco bell
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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