I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
