she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
