I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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