Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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