Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
