Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just found puke in my bra..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
