i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
someone owes me an orgasm
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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