guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
