awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
