dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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