Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
