dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
