i was rollin on her like bob the builder
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
They took my balls.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
