It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
