I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
