Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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