I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
