i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
