worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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