I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
