a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
