i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
