the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
